Friday, July 29, 2011


No body reads this shit anymore.

Oh, excuse me. I didn't mean you! Seriously, with all the shit you've got going on, man -- I'm referring to the generic you btw who I can spontaneously assume is -- you!! Because if that isn't true, I'd be inclined to get to know you... but then again that you isn't be reading this, now are you? I always imagined I'd be 'discovered' (and no ladies and gents I ain't willing to  throw in the towel on that one, sorry). For eleven years I sat in that studio covered in mineral spirits and toxic enamel oils completely despondent and absolutely elated with what I had accomplished (most likely in equal measures) and I could always see you walking through my studio door. The hushed silence. The nervous tension. The slow and steady acclimation. The sudden rush of awareness. The stunned look of amazement. The rapturous beauty. Another stunned look of amazement. More rapturous beauty, right down to the check being signed and the dinner plans penciled in.

Such a delightful fool am I. 

I cannot say that I haven't experienced success as a painter. As I recall there was a lot of clamor at 'Art School' about that word 'success' most if not all of those discussions I remember feeling were futile, pointless, or contrived. For something to make 'sense' to me then it had to be indescribable. It had to feel intense... There weren't many other descriptors other than 'cool' in my lexicon. And why should there be? After all IT is all intense and IT is all beyond description. What kind of ARTIST would I be if I expected anything less? I expect I should have no less remorse than the mother who spends the majority of her workday away from her child so she can, you know, earn a 'living' while along she knows the ends will never meet. And she like I have accepted our fate to a certain degree, yet we both still entertain the idea...  there's a higher purpose. 

I cannot expect that I would know...

...this purpose for myself is an abstract idea. The only context that I would assume it could be in is the context of a majorettive global collective identity!! But what does that look like?? Have you seen the Walrus? If you have, then think it could look something like that. If it has a form it could only be described by fractal geometry!? If it had substance or meaning then that could only be what it was imbued with?! I am sure this cannot be proven to be true. And I am sure I would have no better descriptor other than... cool!!


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